If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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