White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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