I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
