At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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