He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
