Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
