If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
