I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so let's talk penis.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
