Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
