either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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