I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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