New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've blown a few things in my day
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
