my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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