I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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