Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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