At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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