I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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