We won't sleep together?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
