My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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