There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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