okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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