Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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