Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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