So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize