like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
birth control should be required to get into college
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
