i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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