this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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