We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
