Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
