Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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