Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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