He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
