I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
