He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
