I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
