My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
