4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
