people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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