i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
