what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
