even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
