We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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