im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
