No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His nipple licking is glorious
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