either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
