The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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