Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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