You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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