I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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