why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
