then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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