Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
