You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
where am i from again
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
