I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
