Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
