Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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