I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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