youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just threw up on my dentist
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
