one might say we're banned from that church
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
