I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
