Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
