LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Bring me that man meat
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
