My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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