The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
