You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
