after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
