dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
