Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
