i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
