best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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