the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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