i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
