My room smells like vodka and shame
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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