I wish I could teleport
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
