Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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