So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
